Learning how to be happy requires learning how to be sad
My 4-year relationship ended last week. I’ve received a lot of advice about how to manage this breakup. The most common suggestion is to trust that everything happens for a reason.
I think that notion keeps coming up because we know how hard it is when our world of meaning is challenged. We need a life that we can make sense of and that can make sense of us. Realizing that our understanding of the world doesn’t match reality hurts. Trusting that there is still meaning despite our pain is comforting.
Passively trusting that there is still meaning helps me when the emotions are overwhelming. But when I have more capacity, I try to see this as an opportunity to grow. This breakup has given me the desire to face the behaviors that make my life difficult, which is an incredible gift. I still have plenty of unanswered questions and unprocessed sadness, but knowing that I can use this time to grow is all the meaning I need for now.
We all have growth edges — areas of life where a need to change and a desire to change meet. Loss and sadness highlight those edges. Learning how to honor and act upon those edges might be the key to preserving meaning amidst sadness. And learning how to be sad might be the best way to learn how to be happy.
