Do this next time you're feeling behind
When I realize that I’m feeling behind, I respond in either a self-critical or a self-compassionate way. Critical Tyler will self-flagellate, try to catch up, and take my frustration out on anyone who might distract me. Compassionate Tyler sees those thoughts as signs that I’m making my personal value dependent on my productivity, take a breath, and do the best he can for the rest of the day, detaching his happiness from how much he actually gets done.
Choosing whether to listen to the self-critical or self-compassionate version of yourself is the easy part. The hard part is recognizing that you’re feeling behind in the first place and then getting out of the rut. Here is a two-minute exercise you can do to recognize this “behindness” feeling and turn things around.
Step 1: Look for self-critical keywords
Examine your self-talk for an over-reliance on any of these words: “I should have …”, “I need to…”, “Ideally, I’d …, “I have to…”.
“I shouldn’t have gone on Instagram that long.”
“I should’ve estimated my commute time better.”
“I shouldn’t have slept in that late.”
“I need to stop checking my email so much.”
Step 2: Create distance from the self-critical thoughts
When you realize you’re caught in a spiral of criticism or “behindness,” write these three sentences out on a piece of paper in order:
I am behind on ___. That’s bad because ____
For example, “I am behind on the housework. That’s bad because if I don’t finish it today, I’ll have to do more tomorrow, and I already have a full day planned tomorrow.”
I am thinking that {{ same thought }}
“I am thinking that I am behind on the housework. That’s bad because if I don’t finish it today, I’ll have to do more tomorrow, and I already have a full day planned tomorrow.”
I am aware that I am thinking that {{ same thought }}
“I am aware that I am thinking that I am behind on the housework. That’s bad because if I don’t finish it today, I’ll have to do more tomorrow, and I already have a full day planned tomorrow.”
Once you get to the “I am aware..” version, you might feel immediate relief. It’s nice to remember that we are not our output. That compassion and the lightness that follows might even help you be more present and thus efficient.